Greene Italia.

I didn't forget about you guys, I SWEAR!  Venice didn't have easily accessible (free) wi-fi.  It was killer.  KILLER I SAY.

Ok.  Italy.... I don't even know where to begin telling you about the Italiano portion of our trip.  Warning.  This may be a long blog.

I do think it is appropriate that I electrocuted myself on our first day in Rome.  It was symbolic of my culture shock.  Not that I enjoyed it at the time... but it is pretty funny now.

Shock is one of the words that I would use to describe my experience.  Others include- Frustrating.  Uncontrollable.  Chilly.  Unexpected. 

Breathtaking.

  

Expensive. 

  

Queues.

 Exercise. 

Picturesque.

I guess the most challenging task (besides communicating) was finding our way around. 

Finding our way in

ROME:

When we first arrived, we were so confused.  Turns out there is a train station with the same name as the airport...and google maps misled me.  So we were a lot farther from our hotel than we thought AND didn't know the way.

In a panic, we hopped in a car with some random man who said he could take us to our hotel for 40 euro.. bye-bye money.  

Anyway, that was probably the scariest experience I have ever had in a moving vehicle.  For one, I wasn't sure if we were being kidnapped or not.  And for two, Italians be some crazy drivers, yo.  They seem to understand the rules... I guess that's all that matters.

In those 30 minutes I learned:

1. Lanes don't matter or exist.  The lines on the road are simply for decoration.
2. Turns can be SUPER sharp.. like the right angles we took around Vatican City.
3. Car horns are used more frequently than in Missouri.  They are used to communicate small things like:
• "I'm bigger than you."
• "I know you have to stop for a pedestrian, but that doesn't mean I like waiting on you."
• "Go faster, chicken!"
• "Hey, read my mind better."
4. Scooters do whatever they want.  It makes me nervous to watch them swerving in and out of cars.
5. You just have to have faith that you will make it out alive.

In conclusion.. I could never drive in Italy.

That was the only driving experience we had.  The rest of the time we walked everywhere.  (Because you can do that in Rome/Venice).  This is where Justin and I got plenty of exercise.  For the first time since I can remember... I ate French fries without feeling guilty!

Did we ever get lost?  Oh yeah!!  Especially when we went searching for a decent-priced place to eat or.. a few times when we went geocaching.

Lost in Rome.

Lost in Venice.

But, getting lost in Rome, isn't so bad.  There is always a significant landmark around the corner that you can use to get back on track.  

Let me put it this way... 

If you don't run into the Tiber River, some fancy 

fountain/piazza/monumento/church/castle/Colosseum/Vatican...

then you might be a lost redneck.  

Justin and I relied mostly on this huge monument he calls "the cake building."  

Cake Building.. or Monumento Nazionale a Vittorio Emanuele II

 As full-time pedestrians we learned that crossing the street can be...erm... fun.  Most of the time there is no crosswalk light, so you just have to start walking and hope the cars stop for you.  We never got run over.. but we did get a love honk once,  "Thanks a lot for making me stop, Piccadilly Cockfosters."

My first time initiating a pretty amazing cross, I felt like Moses parting the Red Sea.  However, I don't think Moses did a dance and shouted "I got balls" when he made it across... blasphemous.

Walking up to attractions that had paid entry was generally obnoxious.  There were a few obstacles before reaching the queue:

"You speak-uh English?"
"Yeah but..."
"Well we get you in Colosseum for small price.  Skip the line!  We get you in fast and have guided tour.. blah blah blah."
"No thanks."

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"You speak-uh English?"
"Someone already told us."
"Skip the line.  We have guided tour in English..."
"No thanks."
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"Hi, you speak-uh English?"
"NO we don't speak any English at all actually.  We are going to go get in line now."
"Line 45 minutes.  You no have to wait.  For little extra we get you in without the line."
"NO NO NO NO NO NO"
"Fine, you wait 45 minutes."

No, we waited 15 minutes.... and payed 20 Euro less and still got a guided tour. 

*sigh*

THE COLOSSEUM WAS AWESSEUM!!!!  It was definitely my favorite thing we saw in Italy.

Finding our way in
VENICE:
Also a bizarre place to find your way around.  But in Venice... there are NO cars. No buses.  No taxis.  The only options you have are

1. walking or 
2. taking a boat ride.

A vaporetto is your cheapest option if you don't want to walk.  They are the equivalent of a buses.   Justin and I were persuaded by two nice, elderly Italian ladies to hop on one when we first arrived.  I guess we looked pretty pathetic dragging our luggage up and down the bridges on the complete opposite side of the island as our hotel.

One of the ladies even called our hotel to see what stop we needed:

"Calle Vallaresso.  Vaporetto due."

So we backtracked over the biggest bridge on the island with our progressively heavier-to-carry luggage in search of the correct Vaporetto.

Back to the very beginning...

When the boat dropped us off a few stops too early (because apparently we showed up on the one day that the vaporettos decided to go on strike) we were glad we bought a map.

Over the next two days, we found that the best way to explore Venice was to start walking and, after a time, check the map to see where we wound up.

Food in  
Rome:
I had a nice, local sit-down pizza place planned for our first evening in rome.   O'Pazzariello.  It got really good reviews.  We found it right across the river from Castel Sant'Angelo.

I ordered a four cheese pizza and JJ ordered the pizza named after the restaurant.  We also had to order a bottle of water.  EVERYTHING COSTS.

  

When we ordered our water we got a strange question...

"Gas or no gas."

Huh...erm....uhhh....We exchanged confused glances and replied.... "No gas(?)"

We think he meant "fizz" or "carbination," but we couldn't help giggling at the thought of him farting into our over-priced water.  That would have been HILARIOUS.

The cheese on my pizza tasted like fart.  Or feet.  I swear it was garnished with mold.  BUT the crust was DELISH.  I would've been happy just eating around the pizza, but figured that might offend the chef.  I'm sure the flavor is for much more mature taste buds than my own.

We also ate at McDonald's, gelatarias, and had a ham & cheese calzone from one of the take-away pizza stands.

Gelato

Crepe

Now, when a fast food place asks you "for here or to go" that means they are going to charge you to sit in their restaurant... even if there is no waiter. 

BREAKFAST.  Our free hotel breakfast was crap... Justin agrees.  Free crap.  You had the option of flavorless corn flakes or rice krispies... poorly made, flaky pastries... and ham, cheese, and toast... none of which was very appetizing.

Much betta price.

Finally, SODA... would you pay 6 dollars for a can???  AHHHH.  We sure didn't want to.  What you do instead (if you have a fridge) is find a grocery store.  There you will find 1,5 L sodas and waters for the same price that a can or small bottle would be at a food stand.  That helps a little bit if you are poor like us.

Food in

Venice:

When we were kicked of the vaporetto early, we passed by a Hard Rock Cafe and decided that would be our first dinner in Venice.

It was MUCH nicer and MUCH less crowded than the one in London.  We sat on the second floor and got to look out the large glass windows at the gondolas.  

We were somewhat boring with our other food selections- pizza, pizza, gelato, gelato, crepes, pizza, gelato.  But, I could live on that diet.

None of my pizzas in Venice tasted like feet!!!  I think I enjoyed my giant 2.50 euro slice of pepperoni the best. 

OH YEAH!  Last and least.. so bad that I nearly forgot to mention it... breakfast.  WORSE EVEN THAN ROME'S.

My theory: the pricier the hotel, the less you get from a free breakfast.

There was no self-serve breakfast bar at the Hotel Monaco.  You were handed a basket of bread and offered juice, coffee, and hot chocolate.  The chocolate was actually cold chocolate.  The bread was bla.  And you don't get refills on drinks.  If you want eggs?  8 euro for 3.  If you want fruit?  Also expensive for a small plate.

The second day we saw a table of food that looked like free continental breakfast and were crazy enough to ask if we were allowed to partake.

"No, zat is-uh for-uh special groups of people only." 

I wanted to punch someone.

There is one good thing to say about breakfast in Venice... the orange juice.  Only it wasn't orange... it was red.  THAT WAS THE BEST JUICE I HAVE EVER TASTED.

I wish so badly I could've had a refill.  :(

Funny happenings & observations:

Toilet paper goes the wrong way.

The towels said 100% cotton... but they felt more like 200%.  It was a cotton-ball phob's NIGHTMARE.

We circumvented the walls of Vatican City because I forgot to mark on which side the geocache was hidden.

THIS side.

A couple was walking behind us on Via de Corso in Rome.  I could hear the lady singing, "Doot-dooooo doo-doo-doo.. Manamana.. doot-doo-doo-doo."

                  So the next time she sang "doot-doooo doo-doo-doo," I turned around and said, "Manamana!"

I thought it was fun... but the lady just glared at me.  Maybe I came in at the wrong time..... ?

Justin threatened, on multiple occasions, to buy me one of those leash backpacks... the one's for children... in the shape of cute animals.  I think I want a lion one.

He says that I get distracted by shiny objects or something.. and is afraid I will get lost and/or hit by a car eventually.
He also feels that a helmet and elbow pads would be a good investment because of my extreme gracefulness of which he is totally jealous.

As poor as we were becoming with each passing day, we tried to buy a few souvineers.  In Rome I saw a vendor selling owls!!!  I guess my interest was evident, because the vendor stopped us...
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"You want owl?  I take 13.50 (euro)."

"No, I don't have enough," I told him.. thinking we honestly only had 5 euro left after our expensivo taxi ride-uh.

But, vendors are persistent, and... don't understand English very well.

"I take 7.50."

"I only have 5."

"Tell you what.  I give you two for 12."

"No, we don't have enough.  We only have 5."  I gestured with my hand.  FIVE.

"6 Euro," he said with a painful expression.

"Only have 5," I said firmly, trying to leave at this point.

"Ok... 5." 

"Really?!"

"Yes, yes.  You take." He looked seriously disheartened as we made the trade.

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"Wow, you learn fast," Justin said when we were out of earshot.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I just showed you at the last vendor how to ask a little less... and you are already a pro at bargaining."

"But we only have 5 Euro..."

"No, we have, like, 20."

"Oh."
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We watched Family Guy dubbed in Italian.

This grocery store thought I was trying to steal a plastic bag... OOPS!  I didn't realize you had to pay for them!!!  The security guard basically followed us out the door to make sure I didn't try to steal anything else.  Next time we went, we were sure to bring our OWN grocery bag.

The nine hour plane ride from Madrid, Spain to Chicago began and ended with an obnoxious piano arrangement of "Endless Love."  I changed the words to "This, endless flight."

Justin (*Reenacted) Quotes:

"You seriously need a leash."

"You can't even quote me correctly... Are they called 'reenactment marks?'  I don't think so."

"Apparently my work was undone... I repaired those aqueducts as Ezio Auditore."

"A man cannot live on gelato alone."

"I wonder how many people get pushed into the water (in Venice) while they are drunk."

"I wonder if dogs ever jump in?"

"You're not going to go poke the pile of poop with a stick, people might see you."

"Can you just say "snooze" in response to a wake-up call... and they will call you again in 10 minutes?"

*These may or may not be his EXACT words

MORE PICS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Pantheon

Trevi Fountain

Spanish Steps

Roman Forum

The Vatican

Sistine Chapel

St. Mark's Basilica